What does your last name stand for? What is important to you? What are the top words or phrases that describe your family culture? When your children are faced with difficult decisions or have to overcome obstacles, what has been engrained in their subconscious mind from a young age?

Growing up on a farm and having a lot of time with my parents and older sister, I (Ann) remember my parents saying phrases like:

• “I am yours and you are mine, you are a part of this family for a reason”
• “You are a child of God, you are created for greatness”
• “Our family doesn’t quit something we’ve started”
• “Shine your light brightly”
• “No one is lonely in our presence”

I also remember that my parents had high expectations of how we behaved and the decisions we made because we represented my last name. I have faced numerous situations in my life where I had to remember who I was, and then the game changed. It’s not always about how I feel, it’s about what I represent.

As Tye and I have started to raise our children (and trust me, we have a lot to learn and a long way to go), we have an even bigger sense of defining what the Rustrum name means. That includes who we’ve come from and the values we’ve inherited from our incredible family lineage and what we want to carry on in our family tree long after we’re gone. Below are four ways we’ve included our children in building a family culture.

1) CREATING A FAMILY MISSION STATEMENT

Writing out your family mission statement, like writing down goals, is the first step to embodying it in your family’s life. If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it. Where do you start? A few thoughts that helped us:

• Think of the top 5 to 10 non-negotiables in your life. Those values that you stand for and believe in, that no one can shake because they are engrained in who you are.
• How do you want people to feel when they’re around you?
• If you need ideas, do a quick Internet search for family mission statements. Grab those that resonate with you and put them in your own words.
• Talk to your parents and grandparents about what they stand for. Talk to your kids about what’s important to them – include them in the process!
• It helped us to keep it relatively short (think of a long paragraph) and in simple language for our kids

After writing out your family mission statement, print it and frame it. Put it in a place that you and your kids can read it often. If your kids can’t read yet, put it in a place where you can read it to them. Ours is in our bathroom where we help them brush their teeth every night.

2) SPEAKING OVER YOUR CHILDREN

What your children hear from their parents becomes their inner voice as they grow up. Therefore, the power of the spoken word is real in developing who they become. Speak positive over your children out loud, in front of them and in front of others.

We’ve experienced the positive impact of this firsthand. Our son Brody is naturally – I don’t even want to say it as it goes against exactly what I’m writing, but for the sake of teaching what I’ve learned, I will – timid and grouchy. He had a natural tendency to be cautious, to the point of being paralyzed by fear when it was not valid. On top of that, he was grouchy every time we introduced him to a new person. Tye and I recognized these traits, but rather than validate them as acceptable, we did the exact opposite. Every time we introduced Brody to someone new we would say, “This is our son Brody and he is happy and brave.” We did it so many times that eventually he would do something like swinging high on a swing and shout out, “Look Dad, I’m brave!!” He internalized that spoken word.

Unfortunately, the converse is also true. Growing up the “shy one”, I definitely internalized that as my truth into adulthood. Although I have a natural tendency to be introverted, people constantly saying I was shy magnified this. The good news is it’s never too late to grow and change!

Be careful parents, the tongue is a powerful force. However, if used correctly, it can change your child’s world for the better.

3) THE VALUE OF HARD WORK

“When I was your age, I used to walk uphill in the snow both ways to school,” I remember hearing my Grandpa say. He talked about “When he was a kid…” more times than I can count. As much as we laughed and joked about it, one of our greatest burdens as we raise our children is for them to understand the value of hard work. Nothing is free. If it was free for you, that means that someone else worked for it so that you can enjoy the blessings.

Rather than give our children money or things, our goal is for them to earn it. This could be by picking weeds in the yard or helping us clean the garage. Not simply buying them toys, but having them pay for a portion so that the bouncy ball equals five buckets of weeds. At the risk of sounding like Grandpa, I want them “To learn the value of a dollar.”

4) AN ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT 

As Lexi and Brody grow older, Tye and I want to teach them an entrepreneurial spirit. Tye remembers running a candy store during the summer when he was in grade school… OK, OK, it was really a candy stand at the entrance of the neighborhood with a bucket of licorice and lemonade for sale. That little candy stand taught him about investing in inventory and making a profit. He even had a few employees (his younger brother and sister), who he would occasionally catch stealing the inventory as red licorice lined their teeth. Those simple lessons learned have carried into Tye’s adulthood.

How does this play out in real life in terms of teaching our kids? As an example, rather than giving our daughter money for a necklace that she wants, we loan her money. However, she cannot use the money to buy the necklace, she has to use the money to make something (e.g., bracelets to sell to her friends), so that she can buy her necklace with her profits. If she wants to make more money she can hire friends to make bracelets, pay them a portion, and keep a portion for herself. She then pays us back for the loan plus interest. Thinking from the neck up and duplicating herself rather than simply thinking from the neck down. Business ownership is alive and well in the Rustrum household!

5) BEING GRATEFUL

Did you have to worry about where you would find clean drinking water today? Or where you would find your next meal for your child? Or where you would lay your head tonight to sleep? My guess is that if you are reading this on a computer, you are far more blessed than most people who live on planet earth. Without getting into statistics, we know that if you have access to a computer with an Internet connection and you know how to read, you already live a life that many could only dream of.

Complaining is advertising your lack of gratitude. When our children complain because their cheese sandwich is a little too toasty or the flight to Disneyland is a little too long, our family has a rule. Complaining means you immediately have to state 5 things that you are grateful for. It’s impossible to complain and be thankful at the same time. Don’t just try it with your kids, try it yourself Mom and Dad! Five things you’re grateful for… and try to make them different every time. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

6) MODELING WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO GIVE BACK

It is truly more rewarding to give than to receive. As parents, it’s important to instill this idea of giving back, even at a young age. Begin by first explaining the meaning of giving back with your children—in order to fully benefit from giving back they must understand the concept of making a difference for those around them. Children have some of the biggest hearts in the world, and with a little direction and guidance from their parents, they can make such a big difference. Although there are tons of different ways to give back, here are a couple of great ways to initially get your children involved.

• Donating Clothes And Toys: Children grow like weeds and change their mind on toys by the day. This results in lots of clothes that are no longer being worn and toys that go unused. Instead of letting those items sit around the house, take this opportunity to involve the kids in donating to the less fortunate. Ask each child to choose the items they want to donate specifically, and explain the importance of giving back to others. Once the donation bags are packed, take a trip to the charity or drop location and allow the kids to make the donation themselves.

• Make Simple Acts of Kindness Part of Your Daily Routine: Children are inspired by their parents. What they see Mom and Dad doing, is what they want to do. Make a conscious effort to include at least one daily act of kindness towards another in your daily routine, and soon enough your children will follow your lead. This action doesn’t need to be a large gesture, or consume a lot of time, it can be as simple as helping an older citizen to put groceries in their car, raking the leaves up in your neighbor’s yard, or baking cookies for service men and women in town.

As we write this, we are humbled to even have a platform to share some of the things we’ve learned on our journey of defining our family culture. As I first mentioned, we have a long way to go. We would love to hear some of your ideas on this topic! Feel free to reach out.